ramblings of nostalgia

At times I feel a sense of deep longing for the girl that I was when I was 13 or 14. The girl that sat in front of the computer and made geocities websites & graphics in Microsoft Image Computer, saved hundreds of anime gifs, dug the depths of the internet for new music, made online friends. The internet was a vastly different place back then. I've just had this overwhelming nostalgia lately for that snippet of time. I think I was authentically myself back then, and I'm not sure if I truly have been since then.

I wish I didn't feel such a sense of regret about the last 22 or so years, but when I try to think of times that I was truly and undeniably happy, I can't. There are good memories here and there, but they don't outweigh the alternative. I feel like I spent years shoving myself into a mold that was barely me. It feels a bit cliche to be desperately grasping for the past, especially since I'm getting older and I think most people feel this way at some point in their journey. But maybe this is part of my healing.. going back to a time when I was genuinely happy to be me and to be with myself.

Anyway, all that said.. I'm relearning html (it has been a while) and I'm planning on trying to make myself a haven of nostalgia over on Neocities. Maybe I can even embed this blog into it somewhere. We'll see.